Haiku Pickup Lines

Haiku Pickup Lines
were for my girlfriend. Success!
She is now my wife.

Volume 1 is a pocket-sized collection of 36 poems, written and illustrated by Joshua Blankenship. It makes the perfect gift for your favorite person, old-fashioned romantic, fan of bite-sized poetry, or lover of wit, whimsy, and weird drawings.

About the book

Haiku is a short form of poetry originally from Japan. The traditional haiku form consists of three phrases in a 5/7/5 syllable pattern, including a reference to a season and a “cutting word” which gives closure at the end of a verse, or a pause between two thoughts in the middle of a verse.

Utilizing the 5/7/5 syllabic form to illustrate certain aspects of human nature or our idiosyncrasies without the cutting word or seasonal reference is generally classified as senryū. But haiku is the more widely recognized name for 5/7/5 poems.

Pickup lines are a short form of poetry originally from lonely people. Traditional pickup lines are quick, ostensibly clever conversation openers intended to aid the speaker in engaging someone for romance.

I wrote the first Haiku Pickup Lines on a napkin at an airport bar, while watching a travel-weary businessman unsuccessfully flirt with a young flight attendant.

Your mileage may vary.

So on a scale from
one to America how
free are you tonight?
Sweet, sour, salty,
bitter. Are you MSG?
Umami, you thick.
If we were running
from bears, I’d run slower just
to look at your butt.
I’ve been working out.
My target weight is one of
you on top of me.
I know that milk does
a body good, but damn, girl,
how much did you drink?
I would convert to
Pentecostalism just
to lay hands on you.
Nice khakis. Are you
a paleontologist?
’Cause Jurass-is-sick.
This place is full of
pseudointellectuals.
Let’s go tip some cows.

So on a scale from
one to America how
free are you tonight?
Sweet, sour, salty,
bitter. Are you MSG?
Umami, you thick.
If we were running
from bears, I’d run slower just
to look at your butt.
I’ve been working out.
My target weight is one of
you on top of me.
I know that milk does
a body good, but damn, girl,
how much did you drink?
I would convert to
Pentecostalism just
to lay hands on you.
Nice khakis. Are you
a paleontologist?
’Cause Jurass-is-sick.
This place is full of
pseudointellectuals.
Let’s go tip some cows.

About the Author

I’m a designer and writer who sometimes draws. I live in South Carolina with my artist poet wife, two objectively genius tiny kids, and backyard chickens. We work out of a little studio I built with my hands (and my Dad). I’m a brand designer by day, contentedly amateur musician by night, and I think about Magic: the Gathering too much. My body is a machine that turns fast food fried chicken into infinite side projects.